Viva piñata!

Having finished the borrowed copy of Halo3, and even going back to finish off the final stages of Halo2, I was bored. Even Dynasty Warriors, my usual fall back when other games just didn't cut the mustard.

I needed a new challenge. Something of the same level of intellect, skill and tactical planning that Halo3 gave me. The buzz of opening the door to a room, with no knowledge of what would be on the other side.

So what catches my eye? The brightly coloured menagerie-on-acid game that is Viva Piñata.

The premise is you have a plot of land that you cultivate (with your spade, watering can and packet of [short] grass seed). Cultivating in different ways attract piñata: fluffy, bouncy, huggable, black and white creatures that inhabit the area around your garden. They'll wander in, and become a resident if they like the look of the place. at which point they take on their acid-dream colouring.

Oh, yes. It's a kid's game. How difficult can this be?

It wasn't long before I had to break up a fight between a resident worm (or squirml, to give them their correct name) and some interloper badger-like thing. Pouring water on them didn't seem to help, and the tutorial suggest poking one malcontent with the spade to make it behave. What it didn't make clear was the subtle difference between "poke" and "whack" that were the options on using the spade (okay, there may have been an element of "button mashing"* here). Giggling as the little worm thing squirmed and writhed, I neglected to notice that (a) the fight had stopped and (b) the icon next to the squirml that looked like chunks of chocolate was reducing, until finally the now-dead piñata exploded in a technicoloured firework show.

OK, note to self: don't hit the piñata with the spade. At least, not repeatedly. And maybe aim at the interloper next time?

Time goes on in my little garden of almost-harmony.

A little later, I am alerted to the fact that another squirml worm thing is being hunted! No! Where is the evil creature that would hunt down so innocent a ...worm? A quick scan of the garden shows the culprit is none other than the little bird thing . This cute little tweetie pie of a bird had joined my little family and had been amusing me by hopping around and roosting on the squirml's house. These piñata EAT EACH OTHER?!?! This is supposed to be a kid's game, for crying out loud! Screw that - action is needed! However, before I can pull the spade out and dish out some broad bladed digging implement justice, the little worm explodes in the familiar firework display. Perhaps I should have noted the similarity of the bird-thing with a sparrow hawk.

OK, note to self: get another squirml. And fence the bloody bird things to keep them away from the squirml.

Time goes on. I notice that Squirml-1 and Squirml-4 (okay, so you can name them instead of using the oh-so-convenient default names - Squirml-2 should have been renamed as "Shovelhead" and Squirml-3 should have been re-named "Bird food", but it was too late) now both had little hearts over their heads. Aww, they are happy, I thought. No. The great Circle of Life exists in Piñata land. Life and Death are as one. Or something.

Get these two "romancing" as the game calls it, and I was treated to a cut scene of the events inside the wormery. Cue very dubious disco track that sounds like Barry White may have been involved, lots of bright disco lights and a dance routine as the little fellas (well, fella and fellete we presume now) 'get it on'. Some of those dance moves may have been in the Karma Sutra, but having not seen that, I can't comment.

Okaaay.

After a while, the stork delivers an egg, and in the fullness of time hatches into a bouncing baby ...worm. The new arrival then Macguyvered himself up a cocoon, and eventually emerged as a full grown fella (or fellette, it's really not easy to tell).

Unanswered question requiring more experimentation-1: were the game designers callous enough to allow baby piñata to be (a) attacked or (b) eaten, and can we (c) beat them with the shovel? Answers: (a) don't know, (b) haven't noticed yet and (c) no idea - how evil and cruel do you think I am?

Unanswered question requiring more experimentation-2: (a) Do piñata mate for life? (b) Any chance of hybrid creatures? Answer: (a) No. Any squirml will mate (sorry, Romance) with any other squirml regardless of age or non-existent sex - riiight. (b) No, cross-species breeding does not seem to be possible (just as well, given what the birds do with the worms).

And so time continues some more. Another lesson learnt is that whilst it is Not Good to beat up fluffy colourful 'Good' piñata, it is encouraged to beat up the 'Bad' piñata who are easy to pick out as they are red and black (unfriendly colours!) and spiky. They also look evil. Clearly eating a piñata squirml is not considered an evil act (BirdThing, we're watching you and have a spade handy). Appearing to be evil clearly is a crime and should be punished by Beating By Blunt Object (i.e. a spade) on sight.

Isn't it a good thing that our government system doesn't take the same sort of view point?

And so life goes on. I have various new piñata frolicking in the garden, trees give forth their bounty which I can hock for cash. Oh, and I can hock the piñata themselves. The bee-like ones are worth a 1,000 chocolate coins a piece. And yes, I do keep the little fellas (and, of course, fellettes) at it.

In the absence of not having the Master Chief's sniper rifle to hand to pick off the interlopers (or the sick, or the wounded, or the "known to be evil", or the "might be evil but I haven't done nuffin" or even the innocent bystander) I'll have to make do with the spade.

And so the piñata circle of life goes on...







*Button Mashing - the technique of randomly and repeatedly pressing every available button on the controller in the vain hope that the controller knows what action one wants to perform and will do it automatically. Frequently the result of one or more of (1) incompetence, (2) panic and (3) multiple enemies jumping out of the dark. Results of "button mashing" are numerous and frequently humorous to the casual observer. These can include: falling off a ledge; shooting a team mate; throwing a grenade at the intended target now standing right by you; selecting the missile launcher, pointed it at the nearest wall and pressed fire; rolling the vehicle; switching the handset off; quitting the current game or all of the above. At no point in recorded history has "button mashing" ever (not even once) resulted in the intended action occurring.