“Red Shirt Syndrome” - All Federation ships have an endless supply of noobs to sacrifice to protect you, the Captain. This job ability transports one (1) redshirted minion in between you and the next incoming shot, sparing you from damage. Note this reduces your crew complement accordingly… Defiant class Captain’s are warned against frequent use, lest they run out of people leaving only one engineer running the transporter.
“Ooooooo Captain!” – As a Federation Captain you are irresistible to the opposite sex. This ability allows you to target an enemy of the opposite sex; they will be incapacitated for 30 seconds as they gaze at your manliness (or womanliness…) It appears this has a permanent affect your own crew to a certain extent - female Bridge Officer are always keen to go on ground missions and prevent you getting into hand to hand with the female enemies.
“Shakespearian Ac-tor” - a lower level ability open to all Captains. A single target is transfixed by your commanding performance.
“Ham!” – A higher-level ability, gained only after “Shakespearian Ac-tor”. The enemy are befuddled by your ludicrous hamming up of the mission script. This provides a ‘stun’ effect on multiple targets.
“Q Intervention” – your Captain is randomly detained on some alternate location and forced to complete some inane mission at the bequest of the omnipotent Q. This may make sense later on in the story arc, or may not.
“Tribble Outbreak” – The immediate area is suddenly knee deep in Tribbles, reducing movement rates and agility. Klingons are completely impaired and unable to function at all, and may suffer lasting penalties.
“She cannae take anymore, cap’n” – Improved engine output, but at a risk of losing a random sub-system (weapons, engine, Auxiliary sensors) as the power conduits blow. One Engineering Bridge Officer may be permanently injured.
“Shut it, Wesley!” – An un-orthodox solution to the problem at hand is presented by your youngest Bridge Officer. However, you won’t implement the solution on the basis he is an annoying little tit. Your Bridge Officer complement is reduced by one whilst he sulks in the corner.
“Deanna’s sensing something” – Deanna Troi replaces one of your normal Bridge Officers. She can alert you to the presence of enemy nearby, but is otherwise completely useless to you.
With thanks to Jasper for some of the ideas!
These are funny-- I think I particularly liked "Q intervention." Although the pair of "Shakespearean Ac-tor" and "Ham!" was good, too.
ReplyDeleteThis list kind of makes me wonder if Star Trek writers had a similar list and many-sided dice at their sides. Too bad they never rolled the "Shut it, Wesley!" option.