Shopping for Christmas

As uncle I do feel duty-bound to ensure that any gifts I give shall be selected as follows.

There are four criteria to be considered:

A/ How much mess can we make?

B/ How much noise can we make?

C/ What bad habits might this give?

D/ Is it safe?

Each criteria is allocated a score between one and five, using the following guidelines:

"Messiness"

1 =   Mother Would Approve

2 =   Better clear up before Mum sees it

3 =   Look out, Dad's coming

4 =   You're going to need to redecorate

5 =   You're going to need to move

"Noisiness"

1 =   Seen and Not Heard

2 =   Batteries removed before lunchtime

3 =   Batteries removed before teatime

4 =   Neighbours knocking on walls

5 =   Police knocking on door

"Bad habits"

1 =   Mother Would Approve

2 =   Dad would agree this is educational, but let's not mention it to mum

3 =   The doghouse has room for two

4 =   Look, kid, keep in touch via email

5 =   Sorry officer, he's not mine

"Safety"

1     Mother Would Approve

2     It's only a bump

3     Better have a plaster handy

4     One day you'll look back at this and laugh

5     Well, you always wanted a ride in something with blue flashy lights

Once each category has been scored, add these three values to get the final "Annoyance Score". 

Anything over 6 is looking good to me.