Oblivion - Those who are about to die salute you!

Well, Zauna's progress has been ever going onwards and upwards, literally so with the Oblivion Gates opening up all over the shop. Several have now been closed, however not without incident.

Boris and Doris managed to get lost in one of the Oblivion Planes I visited. On popping out of a door to find that the narrow bridge ahead had not been lowered, it transpired that the lads had been placed where the bridge wasn't, if you see what I mean. Cue hysterical laughter as the two of them spend a moment frozen in mid air, cartoon like, before gravity remembers they are there and they drop several hundred feet. I didn't seem them again until leaving that plane, but I suspect they had great fun running around on lava and getting to know the various beasties wandering around. I think it does them good to go out on their own every now and then! Fans will be glad to hear that they turned up after the gate was closed looking rather sheepish. And strangely silent about the whole affair. Since then, jokes about looking before you leap have not gone down well.

Another gate of note was the Bruma gate, where the local constabulary are all up for taking out the gate, but need to know how to do it. If you have an Oblivion Gate problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the Zauna-Team. Of course, the foray into the Plane had a terminal effect on most of the City Guards (apart from their invincible leader) Any allegations that the guards were killed by Blue-on-Blue friendly fire are untrue. It's not my fault the two magical staffs, one with an area-effect fireball and the other target-only, look identical. These things should be more carefully labelled so that mistakes aren't made in the heat of battle (no pun intended). Anyway, the people of Bruma seemed to be impressed, even if the official investigation into the incident continues. In Zauna's favour, however, is the fact that of the three surviving witnesses, two won't find their way home if they say anything and the third was unconscious after being clobbered by the Storm-atrach that was the real intended target of the giant ball of fire.

After those little jaunts, Zauna took a little R&R in Imperial City, and ended up as Grand Champion of the Arena in a little over two days. It would seem that starting these 'quests' at level 20 makes the whole thing a little easier - especially if you have a Paralysis-enchanted Wizards Staff. Yes, that's right. The gates go up, and the combatant runs towards you. One blast from the staff later, and they are on the floor. Finishing them off is then relatively easy (if a little one-sided). Of course, you can be given a nasty surprise by those that have some immunity to paralysis...

So Zauna (or Dragonheart as her fans call her) is now Grand Champion, and even has her own Adoring Fan. He's been tentatively christened Onion-head due to his hair-do, but I'll try and come up with something more catchy later. In the mean time, the little runts enthusiasm to lick clean my boots or give a back rub is going to get to me soon. I haven't the heart to send him on his way, as the scope for fun in devising ways to ...er... bump him off is too tempting (coming soon to this Blog! - a new miniseries titled Killing Onion-Head!). Yes, he's as un-killable as Boris and Doris! Alas, unlike the Thompson Twins, Onion-Head really is a complete wuss and runs at the first sign of trouble. However, since he insists on carrying a torch as soon as it gets dark, he makes a great decoy when exploring underground - any monster in the area sees the light and attacks on sight. Since Onion-Head's instinct is to run, and the monster's is to chase, it is therefore easy to wait for it to pass, then turn around and hit it in the back. Hey, it's not dishonourable to stab evil things in the back.

Along with a couple more completed side-quests, Zauna has also invested in the largest house available to buy. The manor in Skingrad is very nice, with the bonus of a hidden treasure in the basement. Expensive to add all the furnishings, however, which has led to an unexplained run of burglaries in the neighbourhood, starting with the weapons shop next door with the adjoining balcony. Damn cat burglars. A word to the wise, however; don't assume every house is going to be populated by one or two sleeping people at two in the morning. The house opposite the manor was full of undead! Not the sort of thing you want to meet when sneaking around without your armour on. There really should be a law against that sort of thing. Someone could get hurt.

The adventures continue...