Oblivion - A day out with Boris and Doris

This is how it happened. Honest.

Zauna picked up the quest "Separated at Birth", which deals with identical twins living in different cities.

Once reunited, they tell of their farm and how they don't know where it is. So they ask you to find it for them. Being the kind hearted soul she is, Zauna wanders around town until she bumps into a retired adventurer who knows where it is. Great. So off to the farm we go. On arriving at the farm, yes, it's indeed there, so back to the brothers to tell them.

"Are the Ogres still there?" the sober one asks.
"How the hell should I know, I didn't hang around to find out," Zauna replies. "And what do you mean, ogres?"
"Could you find out for us?" the wimp asks. "Oh, didn't we tell you? Ogres killed our family - that was how we were separated."
"Thanks for giving me all the relevant intel, you prat. I could have been killed. But, sure, I'll do it. It's not like I have not anything better to do", Zauna says.

So back to the farm she goes. And Lo! There are ogres. Three of them. Time to report back to base. I'm not being paid enough to fight them, Zauna thinks.

By now the brothers are easy to tell apart, and not being too hot with names, Zauna has come to think of them as Boris and Doris. Boris is the one who goes "Duh...better talk to Doris". Doris is the one who can count past ten without removing a sock.

"We're idiots who can't handle a sword. Please go and kill the ogres!" Doris pleads. Zauna should have seen this coming. Boris walks into a wall, arguing with himself.
"But you have a warhammer strapped to your back, and Boris has a broadsword. Oh, he's fallen asleep again."
"We're idiots who can't fight. Please go and kill the ogres!" Boris didn't seem to hear her.

Back at the farm, and the ogres are dispatched. Hey, Zauna didn't say she couldn't handle them, just that she wasn't being paid enough to. Speaking of which, a quick check of the house itself shows that there isn't anything of value there. Ah well. The place is definitely a fixer-upper, and they are going to have to do something about the remains of the dead family before painting.

Boris and Doris are ecstatic at the news of being able to live in their old shack.
"I'm so happy to be able to go back to our family home!" Boris grunts.
"Take us there!" Doris asks.
"Can't I just give you directions?" Zauna asks.
"We're idio-" Doris starts.
"I get the idea," Zauna snaps at him.

Zauna turns and walks out of the inn where the brothers seem to spend all their time. This explains Boris' behaviour, as this was where he was originally found.

Turning around to get her bearings, Zauna jumps. Boris is gurning over her shoulder. "I'm so happy to be going back to our family home!"
"Doris, keep your pet away from me - GRAH!" she jumps - Doris is looming over her other shoulder.
"Is it safe to continue?" Doris asks.
"Not if you make me jump like that again, it won't be." Zauna replies.
"Just minute...are you guys going to follow me around like this everywhere I go?" she asks.
"I'm so happy to be going back to our family home!" Boris says.
"Is it safe to continue?" Doris says.

I think: They're going to follow me everywhere. They are NPCs related to a quest and so probably can't be killed. This might be useful. I save the game.

"Lads, I just want to visit that haunted ship in the harbour. Come along." Zauna decides.
"I'm so happy to be going back to our family home!" Boris says.
"Is it safe to continue?" Doris says.
"We'll see..." Zauna says.

Zauna, Dumb and Dumber creep into the ship. Using her "Detect Life" spell, there she locates two ghosts through the door to the left, and two through the door to the right. We'll go left first - three against two should be easy odds, even if they are crap at fighting, Zauna thinks as she draws he sword. "Okay boys, here's the plan. We'll go through the left door first - AND WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU BOTH GOING?!!"
Doris has taken his warhammer from his back and opened the door on the right. Boris has pulled out his mighty weapon and gone left.

Not the brightest tacticians, these boys.

Zauna dives through the left door to support Boris. Thankfully, it was his broadsword he pulled out, and he's quite happily hacking away at a ghost. The other ghost has already been dispatched. Usually ghosts aren't harmed by non-silver or non-magical blades. Interesting. Zauna lobs a fireball at the ghost, but clips Boris. "Whoops. My bad!" The second fireball finds it's mark and finishes off the ghost.

There's a scream, and a message that Doris is unconscious is displayed. Not good. Maybe they can die after all.

Running back through to the other room where Doris went, one ghost is down alongside Doris. The second is cackling in the corner. Boris charges in, and the ghost moves to meet him. Before the ghost can be killed, however, Boris gets back to his feet and clonks the ghost on the back of the head whilst it isn't looking.

"Nice job, boys. So you can both fight after all." Zauna says as she rifles through the storage trunks.
"I'm so happy to be going back to our family home!" Boris says.
"Is it safe to continue?" Doris says.
Zauna rolls her eyes as she finishes picking the lock on the trunk and pulls out a ruby necklace.

Back on dry land, Zauna turns to the boys.

"I'll take you back home, lads. But we're going to take the scenic route. There are a couple of haunted ruins, infested mines and goblin tribes I want to show you. Is that okay with you both?"
"I'm so happy to be going back to our family home!" Boris says.
"Is it safe to continue?" Doris says.

Zauna fights down the urge to cast another fireball.